Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Green.

A good moment.

When I was little, maybe three or four years old, I remember looking in the mirror, thinking my skin looked green and crying to my mom about it. Oh less than desirable indoor lighting. No, I'm not color blind. No, I'm not Elphaba. But! I am human, which means that I am so susceptible to turning green. 

Does that make sense? Probably not so I'll say it right out. Yell it from the blog rooftops! I always hate to actually say it, but one of the biggest sins that I struggle with is envy. Jealousy. I hate the sound of those two words, but they are always keeping me company as the uninvited guests to this party of life. Seriously, E and J, learn some etiquette and excuse yourselves from the gathering! 

Blogs are one of my favorite things, but they do allow for lots of opportunities for envy to come knocking. Ugh, that blogger seems throw together an outfit so easily. Ugh, that blogger seems do this or that with ease. Ugh, ugh, ugh. 

(Now, a key word here is, of course, seem).

Those ugh's I can normally slip off as quickly as they come on because ... hello, I love my life, but the one that is hard to kick off is ugh, that blogger seemed to write so effortlessly. I've been thinking about why that one bothers me more, and I think I get envious of their ability to capture the moment. They capture the moment perfectly for all internet eternity. I get so enraptured by the need, no, the desire to impeccably describe moments of our life that, a lot of times, nothing makes it to clicking the publish button. The big, bad writer's block of envy is standing in the way. 


When I read posts that bring on a little green, I, more often than not, feel thankful that the blogger gets to have those moments to write about. Being grateful for them helps me to realize the obvious: be thankful that I have moments that I want to write about, moments that I want to capture. 

So why am I making my blogging platform a confessional? A world wide web group act of contrition?

No. I'm writing because when I read blogs, I feel a sense of solidarity way more frequently than I feel jealousy. A weird sense of solidarity that probably stems from that fact that we all wear parts of our hearts on our blogs even if our grandparents and neighbors and passers on the streeters wouldn't understand why in the world would a birth story be public or why in the world are run on sentences now okay in written language? Ha. Anyway, when I read blogs, I vehemently nod and fervently applaud internally with a profound, "Yes! I know what that feeling is like! I know it!" So I'm putting this piece of my heart on the good old blog in the hope that others read it and give a resounding, "Yes! I know it!"

Here we go ... hitting the publish button in three ... two ... one ...

17 comments :

  1. I get it. I think, esp as women, we tend to compare ourselves, our kids, our houses, our clothes, whatever, with what we see of everyone else's. I've been struggling with this a bit myself - being frustrated because I'm not as skinny as someone who had a baby more recently, not writing as well as someone else, etc. At least recognizing what we're dealing with helps us to fight it, right?

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  2. Wow, can I ever relate to this post! Some bloggers are the most artful wordsmiths and amazingly are able to tell a story without dragging out EVERY single detail... some bloggers make the most gorgeous craft projects around their homes... some bloggers can sew for real (boy do I wish I could do that!)... some bloggers are so darn funny... the list could go on and on. It's so important to remember that blogs are just a tiny and highly-curated slice of life. Thanks for the great reminder!

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    1. Highly curated! Wonderful word choice!!

      I actually only read blogs that don't make me feel bad about myself. I think a lot of blogs are highly curated to only show the authors awesomeness. I'm interested in authenticity, flaws and all... Okay, especially flaws. My days are filled with unaccomplished goals, dirty dishes and wrinkled clothes that need folding... I want to know that there are other people out there who are as busy and I am and still don't get anything done.

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    2. I still love the pretty blogs, but my favorites are those that are not highly curated. The thing about my laundry piles though is that they have this ability to always look taller than anyone else's!

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  3. One of my favorite things about blogging on the world wide web is that I can taylor what I read according to my needs. Your house is immaculate and your children are perfect? Awesome, keep it up- see you later! Not that they aren't amazing people- I know they are! But I prefer reading about people who struggle the same way I do. There is a need for every type of blog. I'm so grateful there areenough out there for me to find 'kindred spirit' bloggers!

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    1. Yes, I am thankful to find many kindred spirit bloggers!

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  4. I totally understand this. Although more often than not I think - more so than envy - those blogs leave me feeling confused. Like, how do they have time to do that?! Do they seriously wear make up each day? How on earth did they get that wardrobe - and how is it nursing friendly? Lol. Whenever I feel this way I remind myself of this quote: "never compare your interior to somebody else's exterior." ;) It helps me brush it off once I realize these people probably live more like me in between their blog posts.

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    1. Ha! I totally felt that way when I was first nursing Ryan. "That blogger is wearing a sweater?! How can she nurse and wear a sweater?!" Now I'm much more, "Whatever! The clothes will reshape! This is what fits right now!"

      I love that quote. Going to remind myself of it from now on! Thank you!

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  5. Ok. Confession time. Whenever I see things in blogs/bloggers that I admire, I quickly find myself looking for something to criticize, as if to even the scales or something. Isn't that awful? I hate it about myself...But the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

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  6. Resounding amen! Now that I (every once in a while) try to blog about something worth other people's precious time to read, I'm left wondering how all the profound things I read on other people's blogs gets written. How did they do that!

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  7. Thanks for writing this, Katrina! Glad to know I'm not the only one to feel this way. :-)

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  8. ahh, yes, yes, and yes! Eerbody out there is so dang talented and witty. It's daunting to start a blog, let alone write posts! Thanks for saying what I suspect many of us feel!
    Nicole

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  9. Yup! I started getting into blogging over the summer. I blogged prior to that but very sporadically. Once I started blogging more and joined my first link-up I started seeing all the amazingness that is on the www. It has been very humbling and challenging for sure. Also, I see how chum alot of the bloggers with larger followings are and I do find myself envious of that and all the incredible insight these mamas are able to type out while sleep-deprived!

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  10. Great post, I completely agree that this is something that I too easily fall into. Its hard to realize that everyone has a story, that we dont know what has lead them to post what they posted... So good :)

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